I don’t know if I turned the corner at the new year with high hopes, but I don’t think I expected this.
I expect to be out of a job by the end of May. I recently got pulled into a room with some other coworkers and told there would be massive layoffs.
Now this kind of thing is not new to me. Several times in my life I have been yanked into cafeterias and offices and informed of my demise. The end result most of the time has been that I came out smelling like a rose.
The one time in the last few years this didn’t happen helped to send my life into a tailspin. I was unemployed for a year. My bank account went down to nothing and my marriage collapsed.
I think I had better start saving money to get out of here. At the moment I can’t afford airfare or even a bus ride.
Of course, being in a dying workplace is never fun. Morale is low where I work. For the most part, however, my fellows workers are keeping their chins up. But there are subtle things going on around me which reflect our discomfort.
One of them is the rumors. Who is staying. Who is going. The boss is out. In with the new boss.
I really don’t care who stays and who goes. I really expect to be laid off.
I have never taken these pink slips well. I usually complain and whine with the best of them. While my griping isn’t good, I have not violated my moral principles.
However, I am a little concerned over something I did yesterday. Citing poor health, I informed employees attending a meeting I was supposed to be at that I would be absent. Then I escaped to a coffee shop.
As I sat there I chatted with a colleague online. This person had also fibbed to get out of the meeting. When I told this person what I did they replied,”I love it.”
Their excuse was even more original. And while we were texting, I read an Email from another one who claimed she was stuck at home with a repairman. I texted my friend a “ha ha ha.”
But I am troubled. One thing I tell people is that I am not a liar. I think lying is despicable. Yet, for all intents and purposes I told an untruth.
I justified my failure by noting the bullying of my colleagues at these meetings, their own lousy excuses for not attending, the double standard of my bosses who accept those excuses and in fact don’t come themselves, and the total ineffectiveness of these gatherings. Furthermore, as I told my online pal, I was in fact dizzy and exhausted. But I could have gone.
The truth was, though, I was indeed emotionally and mentally unfit that day. So there was a grain of truth to what I told my coworkers. Even so, my excuse would probably not have flown with my boss.
So I need to look under the hood and make some repairs so that my ongoing shitting circumstances don’t result in moral turpitude. Now, if I could only find the time.